Hello, my dear friends and readers. How are we in autumn already? Suddenly it is October and I’ve never felt more lost. Today’s post is not about what to wear or where to holiday but more of a candid chat about how I’ve been feeling lately and letting go of a few things.
I thought if I put it out there I will have no choice but to do it.
Recently there have been some abrupt changes in my life that have shaken my core and sometimes you are so overwhelmed you don’t know how to keep a check on your productivity and you lose sight of who you are in your desperation. And now having worked from home for more than 19 months we all have felt the effects of isolation and staying home all the time. I don’t think any of us ever envisioned the scale of this pandemic when it first started to get serious. And none of us would have ever imagined that our home, a place of relaxation will become our office, gym, cinema, and everything in between. And before you know it there was nowhere to release the stress of work or other things but your home.
Personally, this blog has been a big part of my sanity during this pandemic and I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have this little creative outlet because friends and lovers come and go, your favorite series ends, the books you read come to an end but life goes on doesn’t it?
I feel like something needs to change so I just wanted to come forth with 7 things I am trying to let go of this year. There is no point in me making resolutions as I hardly ever fulfill them and despite my track record, I did make a list of GOALS for 2020 and bloopers!! A global pandemic came along, now if that’s not a sign what is?
So for the sake of hope and self-preservation, I am working towards leaving these 7 things behind in 2021 and you should too if this resonates with you.
1. Habits that don’t serve me anymore
I think it’s time to re-evaluate some of my habits and see if they work as well as they used to, be it at work or in everyday life. I feel like there is no point in continuing something that doesn’t serve you anymore. If it doesn’t benefit you anymore let it go! Declutter!
2. The pressure to be perfect all the time
This is so easily done, especially in this day and age where everyone’s perfect life is on Instagram for you to see. We all compare (me included) ourselves with others at some point and punish ourselves with so much anxiety and depressive thoughts. No one can be perfect all the time and everything on social media looks perfect because it’s only the perfect moments they are sharing. Like someone said – “don’t compare your reality with someone else’s Instagram” and it is so relevant today.
In some ways, I am glad that I am a 90’s Kid, who did not have the pressure to be perfect on socials in her teens. Can you imagine?
And as a mother, this will be the biggest challenge I will face in terms of protecting my child in her teens against the pressure of the gram! I’ve felt it myself as a content creator at the start of my blogging journey and it’s not fun. It took a lot of positivity and constructive thoughts to get that one out and be comfortable with my growth.
I say there is magic in your imperfection, embrace it, if you do everyone else will.
3. Playing it safe
If 2020 taught us anything it will be – nothing is for granted, everything ends so go follow your dreams. Often we think about our dreams and say to ourselves it’s not the right time but anyone who has achieved their dreams will tell you it all started with a risk they took. Be it your personal life or professional it’s never too late to go against the tide if you feel it in your bones. Did you ever hear any successful person say that they didn’t struggle at first?
I remember as a teen if anyone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always say a flight attendant. And back in the day, I had a choice to take the normal route that everyone takes to study and work a normal job or the risky route to go and grab that chance to fulfill my dream. And let me tell you I did achieve that dream but it took a good few risks and rejections to get there.
Today at 35 I am here taking another risk that I never would imagine myself taking to put myself out there and blogging about my favorite things. The one thing I always ask myself is that what are you doing if not challenging yourself?
Doing things that make you happy rather than something you don’t enjoy anymore makes sense, doesn’t it? Whereas doing something that is costing you your health makes zero sense. If anything, follow your dreams now while you can, what’s the worst that could happen? You will learn or you will succeed.
So let’s stop playing safe and take that leap!
4. Being everything to everyone
We don’t even realise it but when playing all our roles in life we often forget the most important role that we have with ourselves. Every woman will agree, between being a loving girlfriend, a wife, a mother, a daughter, or a friend we often compromise and neglect our own emotional needs, and that in the long run ruins our relationship with ourselves.
When your kids are no longer living with you, when your partner is gone (in any sense,) when you lose your friends over something or the love of your life decides to marry someone else and you just have to suck it up to be by yourself. That is when you often don’t know what to do with yourself because you have spent your life being all this to everyone around you and now there is nothing else to do.
The problem is that in this scenario you ultimately become so emotionally dependent on other people and solving their problems that you feel a bit lost when they are gone. And it’s not the best feeling at all. So when they say it’s good to be selfish sometimes, I say hell yes. Do it! Especially in motherhood, a lot of it is guilt-ridden and people don’t make it easy.
So find a way to be there for everyone but also make time for yourself and know that sometimes it is ok to put yourself first.
5. The feeling that someone or something will save you.
The biggest lesson of 2021 was that the only person who will save you is yourself. And that the key is to change. Nothing in your life changes until you do. Sometimes, people, you thought would never hurt you end up doing exactly the same, and the sooner you realise there is nothing you can do about it the better. So don’t wait around for someone to come save you from all the disappointments, the heartache, the loneliness, ill health, or the over exhaustion because that just doesn’t go away on its own and there is no point sulking about it if you don’t like something CHANGE IT!
You have to make the change yourself, whatever your trauma you must distance yourself from the triggers and try to heal, and then embrace the transition. It won’t be easy but once you realise no one is coming and you are willing to put in the work anything is possible.
6. Toxic relationships
Disclaimer: Before I get into this one in detail I just want to say that I have been rewatching Sex and the City and dear lord! that’s made me think of all the shit I went through in the past. I am now happily married but those were some crazy years of heartache and disappointments.
This should probably be up there at the top but I am saying NO to toxic relationships, they can stay in the past, Thank you. I mean how often have we gone all in? Opened up ourselves with all our vulnerabilities for a person we so desperately wanted to be the one? And it’s a big thing when they tear down the walls and make you realise you can be a different person. Someone who can trust again and then they end up disappointing you over and over again and then some more because you let them. Because in your head you’ve lived that relationship in the way you wanted it to go and your feelings just clouded your judgment. But would you blame them? How could you? You lived a version of it in your head that didn’t exist.
How many times have we dated someone who was emotionally unavailable and we saw the signs but we ignore them and carried on regardless? I mean it’s a recipe for disaster. So if you are in a romantic relationship that feels like above, sorry honey, it’s toxic.
And I am not just saying this about romantic relationships, often in our lives we don’t even realise it but certain friends and even family members are also part of the toxicity. And this stands true for the communities and cultures all over the world that pride themselves in being close-knit and traditional.
The pressure put on you by the people you consider close is enormous. The pressure of being the sibling who chose an unconventional career or the pressure to get married at a certain age, to have children by a certain age, or to have more children if you have already got one. The list is endless. You will often find a random auntie that crops up to question your folks about why you aren’t married and you actually won’t see or hear from this auntie ever again but her words will be magnified by everyone around you until you drown in it.
I say find it within yourself to go the Marie Kondo way with people in 2022 – if they don’t spark the joy time to yeet them out. Thank you, next.
7. Not treating your body right
I am not a fitness freak but making a few good choices and taking out time for myself each day to workout has brought about so many positive changes to my life. I have now come to realise that after I became a mother, I had highly neglected myself which in turn was making me a person I wasn’t. And not just physically but also mentally.
I am so glad, I finally shook things up (thanks to a friend and my offspring’s remarks) and made an effort in 2019. So here I am writing about it now. I have been a bit naughty in the last few months and been inconsistent but I am working towards leaving all the laziness behind in 2021. Because hot mum summer for 2022 is happening! I have some great plans coming into action next year!
So are you a resolutions person? what are your goals and positive thoughts for 2022? What are you planning to leave behind in 2021?
Give me your two pence on the matter in the comments, by email, or on Instagram, I would love to hear from you, and to my supportive friends, I will be ready for your critique soon Xx